breaking point?

Isaiah:58 1 -7
True Fasting
1 "Shout it aloud, do not hold back.
Raise your voice like a trumpet.
Declare to my people their rebellion
and to the house of Jacob their sins.

2 For day after day they seek me out;
they seem eager to know my ways,
as if they were a nation that does what is right
and has not forsaken the commands of its God.
They ask me for just decisions
and seem eager for God to come near them.

3 'Why have we fasted,' they say,
'and you have not seen it?
Why have we humbled ourselves,
and you have not noticed?'
"Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please
and exploit all your workers.

4 Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife,
and in striking each other with wicked fists.
You cannot fast as you do today
and expect your voice to be heard on high.

5 Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
only a day for a man to humble himself?
Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed
and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the LORD ?

6 "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?

7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

This is today's 40 day prayer guide.
Inside it wrote clearly that rebellion is subtle sin
What is really mean by it? Well i admit i am rebellious, i can worship God, serve His people or even be a leader, but deep within me i am shallow, not God fearing. This is God is showing to me lately. People who are concern about me, i have been wrestling with God since last week when i ask God to open up my wounds, take me back to face it. God show me alot of ugly wound that didn't not heal. To everyone around. Yes i am indeed hurt, i am tired of hiding, i am need your prayer. I really don't know who read my blog anymore. i will be fine, it take time. Anyway this week also has been a tiring week yet again, some of you might know that i got involve in a relationship which was suppose to end. Cause i was unsure of what i want, but now when i am more or less certain the news was broke to me that she is unsure of things now. During this i realize how selfish, irresponsible and the reason why i can't trust people around me easily. Well i know i want to change not her sake but for God sake. I am really hurt, i am not fine, just hope that everyone will stop asking if i am fine. All i can say is i will try to be. Well i don't even noe what am i rattling about.

Dear Father in heaven,
i come before you with a broken heart, you have search my heart, you know the desire of my heart. Will you just free me from this foul spirit of false piety. I humbly ask that you come and do a heart transformation, help me to change my weakness to my strength, turn me from a selfish irresponsible and protective person to a self less, responsible and secure person in Christ. Will you come and help me. I cry out to you God. I will not let You go until You have bless me and transform me, so please just come Father. i am tired, will you just lift me up.