what is wrong?

I wondering what is wrong? Why am I feeling the way I am feeling? Why do I feel strange? Why do I feel everything is so not for me? Issit that I am too sensitive? Or issit I am thinking too much. I wish, I hope, I want to. Don't wanna see, don't wanna know. What is the point? Is there any point? No point. I dun feel you are with me. Physically? Mentally? Emotionally? Just dun tell me what you think will make me feel better. I don't need it. I am sorry. I am just full of question n uncertain question. Runaway? Go home? Be on my own?

Stone Life?

Just had a idea that i am just a mere unprocessed stone, a stone with many rough and sharp edge. But yet God is still willing to pick me up to sand me and polish me till i shine, even when at time my edge cut and hurt Him deep, but He never give up or forsake me cuz i hurt Him. The sanding process is hurting for me. I guess i got alot of areas to be sand off. Well the sanding process, i believe is not fun for either God or me, but it is a requirement for me to be sand before God can polish me to shine for Him. Just imagine with me a diamond that is not process properly compared to a well process diamond which will be brighter and much more glamorous. Day by day i am being sanded, hopefully i will be able to last till the day i shine brightly.

Happy 23rd bday

1yr has pass since my baptism. Time to do some personal reflection, what has happen for this past year. Well i can this past year has been more of spring cleaning of my personal being. Well let me see this year? stepping into the working world, uncertain of my direction and path and just step into the unknown. But so far work has been fun, working with interesting colleague, attending courses, playing with kids, working with student, planning for a retreat for the staff even though i had only join the company for less then like 1 yr, i am still a newbie heeee, thank everyone for showing me the ropes. Personal life, Alot have been reveal this year, still reading the book wild at heart, gotten a better understanding on how come guys including me behave the way we behave, is it due to past hurt? discouragement? lost of parent? loneliness? can be alot of reason that result in our behave, well i am still in the process of finding the real reasons behind who i am now, and going forward from knowing what are the real reason i need to cut that curse and move on to who God want me to be. I know that i am weak, i am unstable, but i will not give up trying, the true champion never stop trying no matter how long it takes me i will run the race. i want to finish the race as a true champion, i know talk is cheap, action do prove what i said, have also been looking thru the fruits of the spirit, realise that i totally fail at the fruit of the spirit something i really need to work on. i think i will start with patience.
all i can say is this year's bday feel different from the previous 22 years. Thanks for making my bday special even though still haven't reach it. Finally i can feel that i have a family to celebrate with me. :)

rubik cube!

hihi! i just got my very own rubik cube i got both the 2 by 2 and the 3 by 3 one, see picture below


2 by 2 rubik cube which i am working on now

3 by 3 one i have yet to open it up.

The reason why i got these is i find it quite interesting as i see the kids all playing with these things. so i decided to give it a try :)
The rubik cube i still trying to solve the whole thing, thinking it would be easy, but nooooo! not as easy as i imagine! :( the most i only manage to solve three face , i think i need some one to teach me! Anyone wants to teach me?

Today was phonetic lesson 1, damn funny the teacher with accent similar to the broadcaster in bbc radio!!! She was an old lady, and she can speak many language. 3/4 of the time i was like eeeee, aaaaaa, oooooo, ddddddddddeeeeeeeeeeee, kkkkkkkkkkk, zzzzzzz, and when our teacher point out the mistake commonly made by people, we find it interesting, to look out for people's accent like example thank you, some people say thank cute la, wahahaha so funny. had a great time looking forward to the next session :)

Surrender?

things had been bz bz bz lately, just got back from staff advance last week. Got to meet alot of people over at the staff advance. i was part of the planning committee and also one of the bus i/c and also the sound and photographer, sound like i got alot to do. haha, well nothing much actually, enjoyed myself, lately i have been asking myself the qn am i the third party? Should i be the one tt let go? Am i doing all this just for her sake? well all i know is that i am doing all this because i don't wanna be how i use to be like. i am doing it for myself, it is hard. very hard. Will i end up really being with you, i dun noe? All i know is even if you leave me i will continue to do the thing i know is going to help me change, i am changing not for your sake or what. I am changing for God's glory and i want to let people see God thru my life. It is really going to be hard. During the advance i was reminded once again that if i only believe in Him then only can i soar like an eagle, it is the same as i read today's matt it keep repeating believe in me and by your faith. Saying is cheap, doing is hard. I want to change! i realize it has been very long since i spend time with God. in order for me really to have God being close to me i need to really die to me own desire, and let His will be done. I admit it is hard to follow but i will do it! the process is not going to be overnight or in 1 mth, might not even be a yr. Are you really ready to walk this journey with me? what am i writing???
There is something i wish to tell you personally.

spring cleaning

Woah!!! been long since i blog, well had been busy busy busy for the past weeks with work, and buying of furniture. Last sun went to ikea after service and cell to get my bed, Thank lennel for the help at ikea, if not i will be totally lost, and also my baby for the help in some decision making. Then come monday! went to comcentre to buy the long awaited iphone! didn't buy one but two, 1 black 1 white, Got the white one for von. :) reach the place around 630pm by the time it was my turn for the q it was like 915pm... i waited for like..... eternity wahahaha.... i skipped dinner just to go q up for the phone. Tuesday! furniture IN!!! sianz, got to clear my stuff, mop the floor sweep the floor, dust flying all over the place... the best part i forgot tt i dun have a power drill to help me screw all the screw. so i got to use my strength to screw all the screw to fix all the furniture together. :( so tiring... but it was rewarding as by around 1030 i finally got my table and my queen size bed fix!!!! yeah!!!! then come the next task to d/l app and setting up of the iphones, transfering the phonebook and stuff, which took me like another 2 hr. then i doze off at my table instead of on my bed... :'(
Wed was a firing day at work!!! kena fired time and time by my boss. but it is ok, after work went to town to meet von and jodi and children, for dinner and buying the iphone case.:) and supper with the whole family. i enjoyed myself although i was quite tired from everything. treated everyone for dinner. :)
Well thur i was sick, but went back to office to collect some stuff and bring home to do....
And come the FRIDAY!!!! weekend is here, was at the counselling course in the morning, back in the office i am all alone!!! the office is mine! wahahaha. and here i am trying to fight the ZZZZ monster while typing this entry... someone save me.... arhhhhhh!!!! ZZZZzzzzz......

johari window

hi peeps, below is a link to my johari window, do help me do it if possible thank!!!

http://kevan.org/johari?view=zappy+zach